If you give a Teen a Turducken

Now that it's a year later, I realized I hadn't published this one.

If you give your teen some turkey, it will make him think of Thanksgiving.  And if your teen thinks of Thanksgiving, he will think of all the food he can eat!  And if your teen thinks of all the food he CAN eat, he will get curious. 

A curious teen will want to search the internet.  If you give a curious teen internet access, he may find cooking videos.  If your curious teen looks at cooking videos, they will probably make him hungry.  A hungry, curious teen will want to look for the largest portions of food available.  If you let your hungry, curious teen search for copious amounts of food, it will remind him that a turducken is a thing.  If your curious, hungry teen remembers a turducken is a thing, he will search for it. 

Chances are, if your teen searches for something on the internet, he will find it.

If your teen finds videos on how to make a turducken, he will want to show them to you.  If you let your teen show you how to prepare a turducken, he will want you to prepare one. 

If you begin to prepare a turducken, chances are, the rest of your family will deem you insane.  They may or may not offer to help in the process but they will watch because, chances are, they cannot look away.  If you are successful in both preparing and serving a turducken, chances are family will be surprised at how much food three birds really are!  You will have plenty of food for a while!

If you have this food for a while, people will get tired of leftovers.  Chances are that no one will request a turducken for Christmas.  But if you were successful, chances are that your teen will want to see if you can prepare cornish hens.

If you successfully prepare cornish hens, your teen will be happy but chances are, he will still be hungry soon after.  Cornish hens are small.  You will go back to making lots of food.  Your teen will mention chicken but if you make chicken legs, chances are your teen will ask for another cornish hen.

If it has been a while, you may give in and purchase two cornish hens and roast them in the oven.  But chances are, if you roast two cornish hens, it will remind your teen that Thanksgiving is coming up and he will probably ask you if you can make a turducken.

Parental guidance 2

One of my big challenges in parenting is recognizing that my child may not be able to be ANYTHING they want and guiding them towards areas that are similar to the skills and talents I see in them.

Having said that, my children can be anything they want to be.  I stand by that.
Having said that, some careers are going to be much easier than others.

Tonight, I heard myself say to my son, "There is no successful career path out there where you can procrastinate, find the loopholes around the work you should be doing and blame your mistakes on others."

As I shook my head (hoping he thought it was in dismay over the as-yet-not-completed homework), I realized that there is a career path where one can succeed with that particular skill set. And my son is charming enough to get enough people to vote for him.

It's all in how you say it...

For better or for worse, I have a tendency to pick up "local" accents wherever I go.  I don't mean to do it, it is just a bad habit.  (Not a problem until I hang out TOO long with friends from Canada as they start to look annoyed.) ;)

After 12 years as a military wife, you never know what I'm going to say!

Anyhoo....it comes with perks.  Like drinking with my little brother one night and he says "with each glass of wine, you sound like you come from somewhere else!"  Or...the cab driver in Miami, the other day who was listening to me talk to my kids.  He finally asked "where are you from?"  When I replied, "I was actually born here," he shook his head and said "that's not it."  I said, "We live in Indiana, now.  Do I have a MidWestern accent?"  He nodded and said "THAT'S it!" *sigh*

Although I grew up in Florida, I acquired my "southern" accent more during college in New Orleans and it seems to show up again around family in the South, or when I drink.  Ahem.  So... I am going to feign innocence (as even the older kids are giving their little brother a "break" on this one) as it isn't TECHNICALLY wrong for him to ask, "What the Hail?"
(Right?)

If it's happened once...

The fun part of writing historical fiction is that you can spend a morning reading ("researching") and call it "work."  I have always been interested in the Civil War and Reconstruction eras in our nation's history and am currently fascinated with Natalie Benjamin (wife of Judah Benjamin, "the Brains of the Confederacy.")

I find history compelling but need to find a way to make it more accessible for my children.
This week, I reminded my son, "those who do not know their history are doomed to repeat it."
It did not so much motivate him as give him a new motto.
He keeps muttering, "I'm doomed!  DOOMED!"

Parental Guidance

Switching gears for a moment to review a non-fiction book (although the cynic in me suspects a few of the "correct" examples given in this book were fictionalized a bit).   Having said that, the examples of what to say and do were invaluable to me as most of the "what not to do" scenarios are exactly what I might say or do on any given day!

Getting to Calm, by Laura S. Kastner, Ph.D. and Jennifer Wyatt, Ph.D.  belongs on every parents' bookshelf!  My copy now rests in a very easy to reach/consult spot, snuggled between  T. Berry Brazelton's Touchpoints and Christie Mellor's The Three Martini Playdate.  As this book offers strategies for dealing with tweens and teens, I've come to it a little late but after reading it from cover to cover, I feel reassured that I may not be TOO late.  (If you have younger children, get this now and read this now--before you are in the midst of some of these scenarios.)  My two older children are 14 and 12 years old, and many of the chapters in this book apply to our situations today.  (The authors suggest keeping this book to refer to the appropriate chapters when needed--when these issues arise--but I found at least 11 of the 14 chapters useful NOW and the other 3 were still worth reading.  I WILL need them!)

I am still working on the calmness.  The authors detail a four-step plan to achieving the calm.  The stories/examples they provide in each chapter offer invaluable instruction as you witness parent/teen interactions.  Some go swimmingly well and you see WHY.  Some plummet quickly and things go horribly wrong and you see WHY.  Changes have been implemented in our house and more are coming.  And now, when I yell and nag, I understand where I've gone wrong much sooner.  It's a process. ;-)

Speaking of where I've gone wrong however, the book made me feel better.  Written by a professor of psychiatry and a psychologist, the authors show where parents go wrong without laying blame.

I usually use this space to discuss reading or writing fiction but once in a while, there are a few other must-have books out there that you should know about.  This is one.  If you are a parent, give yourself this book.  If you are not a parent, give this book to someone else in your life--somebody needs it!

Listen up

'Cause we know sometimes words have two meanings.

Sometimes, you need to make sure you are hearing the right words.

After enough of my daughter's music this afternoon, I gratefully flipped back and forth through a few XM channels, confident that I'd find music that my 4-year-old son could sing (repeat) without any concerns.  While I rarely land on the 80's station, not much else was on my standard stations and I thought Bananarama was safe.  I drove home, oblivious to the familiar lyrics while I ran through the rest of my evening schedule in my head.  My son was happy--he liked the song and bopped along.  I thought all was well until he kept singing after I'd turned the car off.  As it turns out, other words rhyme with "Venus."

As I was composing this blog post, my older son came over to tell me about a conversation at school today.  If you read this blog often, you know my kids attend Catholic school and today was a day when Father visited the classroom.  My son wanted to let me know that Father instructed them to avoid "sidekicks" and mediums (as they practice black magic).

Run for your life!

I am standing in my kitchen, telling myself it is time to exercise.  It is time for all of us to exercise.  (Not you--everyone in my kitchen.)  I need to go for a run with the dog and the 4-year-old needs to run outside.

We should have gone earlier but my son requested pancakes and I made them.  Far too many of them.  I am hungry and if I do not go run soon, I will eat them.  But instead, I am standing at my computer, reading this true, real, fascinating article.  Before I can finish the article, I see the grin on my 4-year-old's face.  The grin with an index finger in the middle of it.  The grinning child with the finger in his mouth is standing in the kitchen, trying to block my view of the tub of margarine with a 4-year-old-finger-sized canal running through it.

He's sneaky but he's honest.  "I ate butter.  I like to eat butter."

Sigh.  It's time for a run.

Fun Friday

I rarely post movie reviews here.  (OK, it's been a while since I've even posted a book review but I am feel confident in saying that this is the first time I've posted a movie review.)

You don't even need my review:  it is hard to go wrong with a film produced by Steven Spielberg.  If you have kids, especially bored kids at home over Christmas break--check this one out.

If you have a teenaged daughter who will not get out of bed if the clock has not yet flipped to "p.m" and two boys who are UP and READY to do SOMETHING in the morning, even if it is a cold, rainy day (especially if it is a cold, rainy day) you might consider going to the movies and you might consider "Tin Tin."

I'd never heard of Tin Tin until I was in my twenties.  I am not a big comic book aficionado but an old friend was shocked that I'd never even heard of the comic and presented me with a copy of "Tin Tin and the Red Sea Sharks."  I read it.  It was good, as far as comics go but again, I'm not a huge comic book fan.  

The movie trailer excited my boys and reminded me of good friends and a good comic book I had...somewhere.  So this morning, the boys and I headed off for a Spielberg/Herge adventure.  We had the (11:30 showing) theater to ourselves and it was great!  The boys loved the movie and it reminded me of an animated Indiana Jones movie.  Not a bad way to spend a rainy Friday morning.  Not bad at all.

As a bonus, I found that lone comic book and my son was reading it in bed before falling asleep a few minutes ago!

Be careful what you ask for!

I asked for help.

I have three good kids but the older two have perfected the art of selective hearing.  They hear what they want, when they want.  The youngest simply thinks that every word that anyone says is always directed at him.  (He's the youngest, he is cute, why would you be talking to anyone but him?)  None of this is new, of course, but I don't have the best memory and forget to take all factors into account before I start my rants.

I've been complaining about the lack of help rather than simply requiring my kids to help.   I've been telling middle son he must fold laundry before he can play video games.   They know what needs to be done but won't do it unless asked.  Or, in my daughter's case, she needs it in writing!  (If I give her a list, with boxes she can then check off, she will do the chores.  Not on the list?  Not going to get done.)

After lunch, I told my youngest to go upstairs and I would be right there to read him a story before his nap. "No," he said.  "I am going to do laundry."

Funny.  Cute.  Sweet.  "Go upstairs and I'll be right there," was all I said. 

Unfortunately, I have taught my children that "I'll be right there" means they have at least three minutes, probably more.

So by the time I got up there, he was in his room.  He didn't want to take a nap but he was where I asked him to be.  We read a story, I kissed him goodnight and as I reached the door, he yelled, "Wait!  Can you bring my hamper back into my room?"

"Your hamper?  It's over..."

Hmmm.  Not there.   "Where is your hamper, buddy?"  Oh.  It hits me as I ask.  "Is it in the laundry room?"

"Yes!  I was doing laundry."

Indeed he was.  Blue liquid was pooled on my laundry room floor, spilled after he put some in the machine with his dirty socks, pjs and the dirty towels.  He can't read yet so he just turned the knob until it got to a spot he liked and turned it on.  Turns out he picked the stain fighting cycle, which takes over two hours. 

I received help.  And in another hour or so, I am going to have some super-clean towels! 

Indebted

A college roommate used to remind me to "make a wish" every time the clock read "11:11." I had never heard of such a thing before but now I do it often (and think of her each time)!  Today, on 11/11/11 my wish is that each and every service member returns home safely--and soon.

When I was young and stupid, I declared that I would never marry a military guy.  I grew up in a warm town near three naval bases and I knew there were only two things in life that I would never do:
1. Become a military wife.
2. Live in any location where it got cold enough to snow.

So I left home to go to college, met a guy with an ROTC scholarship and while the Army paid for him to go to medical school, I married him.  He graduated and I became the wife of an active duty service member who, later, was assigned to Alaska.

I had my first child at an Army medical center and thought that "nervous" or "apprehensive" would be good terms to describe how I felt about having so many residents--most no older than me--coming and going, in and out of my room.  I didn't realize that only a few short years later, each one of them would have a chance to assist laboring women in Iraq and Afghanistan.  That sounds a tad more nerve-wracking.

Two of my children were born at that medical center.  They saw men and women in uniform every day for the first few years of their lives.  My daughter would yell, "Daddy!" and point at some man in uniform every time I took her to the PX or commissary.  These were approachable heroes--my kids were impressed but not afraid.

Those soldiers put on a brave face before each deployment and a happy one upon each return.  Of course they are afraid but they do not show it--the definition of courage.  With the possible exception of one soldier.  He was young, obviously new to Post, far from home, trying to find his way around the PX when a toddler in pigtails grabbed his leg and yelled, "Daddy!"  I'm pretty sure I saw a flash of fear, that day.

I'm not really from here

My backyard backs up to a corn field.  I live in Orville Redenbacher's home state.  I have no idea how long an ear of corn can last before, you know, things fall apart.

My son has to build a grasshopper for a science project.  (Each student has to research an insect, write a report and build a model).  We were thinking of using an ear of corn to make the grasshopper but my daughter reminded me that it will sit in a display case for "a while."  I have no idea how long that grasshopper would survive on display before it began to deteriorate.   I feel like I should know.

Looks like we're going with Plan B.  Or C.

Brotherly Love

Overheard:

3yr-old:  "C?  Can I tell you a secret?"
10yr-old: "Sure."
3yr-old:"I love you."
10yr old: "I know."

Moving past Teeewwwsday...

Hey, boys and girls!  It turns out, you're never really too old to have a theme for the day!

My youngest came home from preschool yesterday with an alligator pouch he'd made (full of "A" pictures) and an alligator dance.  You won't be surprised to learn that it featured a big "chomp!"

On the way to pick up the older two from school, I heard a little more chomp chomping from the back of the car.  This time, it was the dog.  Hers wasn't so much an alligator impression as she was trying to taste the DS game left in a cup holder.

We picked up my son first and while he mourned the loss of his Mario game, we picked up my daughter.  She placed a tiny present into my hand: the bracket that held her braces to her back molar.

I admire my friends and relatives who are dental hygenists and dentists.  I have never had any desire to put my hand inside anyone's mouth.  So after trying to coax Playdoh out of the dog's mouth a little later, I decided to open the wine, declare that I was off-duty and ordered pizzas for dinner.  (Yes, one was cheese-free!)

School daze

The older two went back to school on the 16th and my little guy started preschool yesterday.  So you're probably thinking that with all three kids in "school" I finished revising the novel, finished reading a book and folded all the laundry, right?

I was really, really close.  I went to the dentist, bought a new bra and a coffee.  Whee!

But I am revising the novel.  At 0-dark-thirty.  I've been getting less sleep during this last week than when I had newborns but I just might get this done, yet!  (Delirious, bleary-eyed edits have GOT to be good, right?)

How's your week going?

Consequences I can live with

I love spending time with my children.  I also love to read.  I think it is important to read to your children.

But a day off from any one of the above wouldn't kill anybody.

After spending two hours at the muddy playground with my youngest and the dog today, everyone needed a bath!  My exhuasted son did not want to get back out of the tub and was quite irritated that I kept trying to drain the tub.

"Mommy!  If you touch that drain ONE MORE TIME, you will not get to read me a bedtime story!"

Whether the weather bothers you or not...

...it bothers my kids.

The tornado warning ended officially at 10:15pm but tell that to the kids!  We are all fine but they have pulled the sofa beds out in the basement and are quite comfy!

A house on the next street over WAS hit by lightning today so I guess I can see where they'd be a little concerned.  Guess I'm not getting much work done and/or sleep for a bit...

...but we're good.  Goodnight!

Our little apple didn't fall too far

Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once and a while, you could miss it.

 ~ Ferris Bueller

When I was 16, I thought Ferris Bueller was cool.  When I was 19, I thought I'd met a guy like Ferris.  He could talk his way into things, out of things and eventually, even talked me into marrying him!

An advantage to marrying a clever guy is that you may give birth to a son who is quite clever. 

Alternately, you run the risk of giving birth to a son who thinks he is quite clever--or thinks his mom is new.

I'm not new and I'm not this mom.

Rainy days and Mondays...melt the snow!

Rainy days and Mondays...melt the remaining snow!

AND Mondays are usually my days to "catch up."  Last Monday was a day off for the kids, so I didn't catch up so much while they were home.  My daughter started with a fever Tuesday evening and was home from school the rest of the week.  I felt sick the week before and last week so after getting her on antibiotics, I went ahead with some myself. (I'd been exhausted, stuffy, foggy, had a sore throat, earaches but blamed it on lack of sleep until her strep test came back positive!!)  Huh.

My son had a few friends over to ice-skate and spend the night this weekend so now...it's just the 3-year-old and I!  My husband was trying to stay out of the way Saturday (when one friend was over, early) so he caught me up on almost all of the laundry folding so that is no longer a looming, insurmountable mountain! ;)

It's raining but that means the snow is gone (for now). After a few days on meds, I no longer feel like diving into the frozen lake! I made it to bed before midnight, last night so life is looking good!  I have high hopes for catching up on writing, during the little guy's naptime, today!  (Here's hoping I didn't just jinx that!) 

Enjoy your week!

Seeing Red

My son's assignment was to write a poem about a color.  He chose red. I enjoyed seeing the drafts progress.  This week, he brought the final product home.  He typed it in computer class and printed it on red paper.

RED

Red is blood
Stained on the rug.
Red is fire
That burned a wire.
Red are the stripes on the American flag
That I wish were plaid.
Red is the color of Santa's hat
Don't forget he's kind of fat.
Red is the lava inside a volcano
If you get too close you will become a mashed potato.
Red is the color of Santa's sleigh
If you yell, he might fall in hay.
Red is the heat
Coming from the sun.
Red is fire
Coming from a candle.
Red is such a wonderful color
It can make you happy forever.

Is it Monday, yet?

You can have Friday.  I'm ready for Monday!

I spent last weekend assisting with two science projects.  It's been a busier week after school this week.  My son has been in basketball practice on Saturdays but they just began having games against other teams, recently.  One Monday night, one Tuesday night and now, one that was canceled during The Storm last week has been rescheduled for tonight.  I'm driving three additional teammates, so after dropping my daughter off at gymnastics, we might dash home for bathroom breaks and let them change before the hour drive to the away-game tonight.

At least the three-year-old is taking a nap today! ;)

This Saturday features a science fair, a birthday party and perhaps getting my daughter to gymnastics to watch her friends compete.  She competes on Sunday, after which I am scheduled to work the next competition while she watches more friends.

Writing?  Reading?  Yep.  Promised I'd get that draft sent out today.  (It's still officially "today" until Monday, right?) ;)
******
Update: the boys lost the game so they played well but made for a grumpy ride home.  It's all good.  All kids are in bed and I have wine.  ;)

Happy Friday!