You can take the girl out of the South but there ain't no getting rid of her southern fears. At 5:30am, I saw it out of the corner of my eye as I walked down the hall. Some of you will recognize the following routine.
Keep walking and start praying. "Please God, don't let that be what I think it is."
Stop walking, start talking to self. "Don't be stupid. It's not what you think it is. Can't be. CANNOT be."
Turn around, slowly. "It isn't moving. That's a good sign. I should turn on the light. I don't want to turn on the light. PLEASE, God don't let it fly."
Turn on light (while preparing to run). "OK. Breathe. It still didn't move." Actually breathe.
Slowly retreat to go grab a shoe. Walk around complete opposite end of kitchen to get a paper towel. Continue inner pep talk. "You live in Indiana. That is not what you think it is. Repeat. Not.What.You.Think.It.Is."
Move closer, try not to close eyes. "It's just a moth. Oh Lord, it's The Biggest Moth Ever."
Try not to panic because deep down, you know it is still going to fly. "Please God, just don't let it fly in my face. Please God."
Move in. "Please God."
And it's just dog hair. "Thank you, God! Thank you, God. Thank You, God!"
I've just admitted my house could use a cleaning but we've not yet invited roaches and thank the Lord, Indiana roaches don't fly!
One more cup of coffee and I'll be ready to write another southern scene. ;)
