Thursday, February 02, 2017

He's just not that into you, America

He wants your love.  He wanted your vote.  He's just not that into you.

You know the old adage, "Once a cheater, always a cheater,"  but your guy is different.  When you suspected, months ago, that there was a secret server in Trump Tower communicating only with Alfa Bank in Moscow, he reminded you of Hillary's private server.  Her emails are the ones you really want to see.  Sure, he was attracted to Russia, but he never pursued her.

He behaved.  That forgotten, extra server in Trump Tower that was just sending spam marketing for his hotels stopped all communications.  So you let it go.  It was probably all in your imagination, anyway.  But one day, you had that nagging feeling.  You just couldn't let it go. After a little digging, you found another, brand-new server with a new name in the same location and only receiving sporadic communication from one other address: hers.  Russia just won't leave him alone.  But when you confronted him, he stood up in front of all your friends and dared Russia to hack Hillary's emails!  He wouldn't have said that, in front of everyone, if he had anything to hide.

You tried to make it work.  You prayed.  You read.  You wondered if your mom was right and Bernie was the guy for you, after all.  When Hillary tried to tell you she isn't your enemy and she can help you get away from this guy, he became very passionate about babies!  Finally!  He was ready to commit to you and have all of the babies with you.

So you're in!   Sure, it's complicated but what relationship isn't?  His friend Rex is around all the time but that's okay.  It's a tough adjustment making this big commitment and the pressure of all of the babies and their healthcare, you aren't going to make him stop spending time with his guy friends.  It's just, well, this friend Rex has also had a thing for Russia.  So you're not thrilled.  He didn't have an affair with Putin but...Putin's second-in-command?  That guy is totally infatuated with Rex.  Rex wants to spend more time with them but everybody is always against him.  It isn't fair.  If only he knew someone who could relax a few regulations or change a law but don't worry about that.  Russia just sold their biggest oil "jewel" without having to name who they sold it to so there is a whole international mystery there for the world to solve when they aren't watching the Tillerson-Sechin love story. It's like a double-feature.

Try to relax.  Rex is getting ready for his new job, anyway so he'll be busy with that.  Other friends are here, all the time, too.  His friend Bannon?  Of course, you have to keep an eye on him.  He keeps cautioning your guy to be wary of at least half of your friends but he doesn't even know them.  Bannon keeps saying he can tell, just by the looks of them.  You're afraid though, to put any conditions on this fresh, new relationship so you're giving it time.

Your guy just started a brand new job, after all and he is already making his mark!  He is going to be so great at this new job!  He will be the best! We're all going to have tough days, of course but just surround yourself with positive people.  Ask that Louisiana guy out for coffee.  David something.  King? Knight?  Duke.  I think it's Duke.  Try him.   He has some really good things to say about your guy.  That other group trying to keep his attention? Congress?  They're super busy so you'll still be able to distract your guy.

He wants your attention.  So give it to him.  Pay attention.